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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
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Temat: violence

is violence (other than self-defence or the defence of loved ones) ever justified?

Is there a double-standard within relationships? I mean, often it seems to me that whereas it's not ok for a man to hit a woman (and I agree) many women have the somewhat bizarre idea that it's ok to hit a man.

Where do you stand on this?
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Temat: violence

(hehe.. I saw this one coming… good one)

I hate violence; I try to and have been successful in abstaining from resolving things with the use of (with the exception of self defense).

There is absolutely no justification for it and yes there is a major double standard.

I think once you hit someone… no matter whom or why, you should face the consequences of your actions.

If you choose to physically assault anyone for whatever reason, you are asking for it and since you’ve dished it out, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get served in return.
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Kari W.

Kari W. education

Temat: violence

There's nothing like the rush of adrenaline that you feel when landing a solid slap, punch, kick on someone who deserves it.

However, I've always held the belief that violence is more effective when it stays in the mind, not expressed with the body, ie indulging in violent music, horror books and films that can satisfy a violent mind. I know, sounds cookey.

A woman who throws punches should expect to get hit back, even if it's a man. If a man does not want to be hit by his woman, playfully or otherwise, he should make it clear. Think about it, woman bitch slaps man (maybe he deserved it), then the man back hands the woman (maybe she cut his lip with her talons).... She won't be doing that again. I know, I'm so PC.
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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
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Temat: violence

What about the man who hits a woman? Will she hit him back to show him his place? Rather not. Or so I thought until I read this article in Polityka about a growing number of women beating up men ;)

In pronciple, I don't believe in violence and look up to all people who can do without it and still do well in their lives. But I resent the fact that not everyone can defend themselves when violence is used against them and by this I largely understand women who are physically weaker. It's just not fair.
Although, obviously, a lot of it is in the mind - the ability to defend yourself, sense a guy who's been behaving a bit 'funny' right from the start and not go for him or simply cut it off when violence does get out of control.

It's not ok to hit anyone. I suspect that if women hit men, they do so because they need to gain some kind of physical power over men, which they obviously don't have (and perhaps resent the fact?) Dunno, I'm not a psychologist. I think things such as humiliation can be involved. But women don't excel at physical violence, they've learnt to use all kinds of twisted games, mood swings, reverse psychology, they can be quite spiteful too. Some men hate it more than violence.

And, as always, balance is the key. Which is why I like it when both men and women display features typical of both sexes. I like strong women who can be assertive, can make use of their anger effectively and when needed, keep a cool head like men do. And I like men who are sensitive and good at listening like Daniel Craig ;)
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Kari W.

Kari W. education

Temat: violence

There should be "spot the loser" classes for women. For ex: Never get married to a man that has only hit you once or has proved that you deserve it. That way, when it's time to hit the road after a violent episode, there's no children or paperwork involved. I have lived by those and a few other simple rules.
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Temat: violence

I'm totally not into violence, I see no point in it, except maybe self-defense, but fortunately I've no had occasions to verify my theory. Guess my "size" alone is enough to keep potential trouble seekers at bay.

As for exchanging hits and punches in a relationship... whatever floats your boat as long as it's consensual. SM fetishists are people and have the right to love and be loved too.Jarek A. edytował(a) ten post dnia 20.12.08 o godzinie 11:11
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
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Temat: violence

There's another thing coming through here...

The argument for a guy hitting his wife because "she deserved it" holds little water these days, and rightly so.

However, the idea that a woman sometimes hits a guy because "he deserved it" seems to be alive and kicking (ho ho ho - what a pun)

In what ways might a guy have "deserved it"?
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Bernd Schreckenberg

Bernd Schreckenberg I am an experienced
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Temat: violence

Shouldn't women with emancipation face the fact that if they slap their partner, and in Germany the domestic violence against men is a rising number, or behave aggressive in public (when drunk for instance), have to face in consequence to get slapped too? There's a very convincing scene of this in the movie The way of the gun with Benicio del Torro:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xsaMcw69D8

Since men do not want to blurt out that their partner hits them at home there are no reliable numbers.

Nevertheless, as I said before on a different thread, I'm against violence or aggression and can just agree with Rafal and Kari :)
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Temat: violence

I don't think there's ever a situation where the other person deserves it. If someone can only resolve problems with violence then they themselves are real in trouble.
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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
angielskiego

Temat: violence

Steve Jones:
In what ways might a guy have "deserved it"?

Hitting is like violently invading your personal space, no one in any circumstances deserves it. If you're being attacked, using violence in self-defence would be justified, since this may be the only way to save your life or drive the agressor away and regain your rightful space. But with other things, there are loads of other ways to deal with something you don't like about another person.

And hitting someone is always the result of one of two options: either that you've 'lost it' or you're abusing your physical power over someone, sometimes both (like in case of parents hitting children). I reckon people who use violence should receive compulsory anger management therapy and repetitive acts of violence should be consistently punished (in a non-violent way, of course). Like they do it in the US, I think.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
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Temat: violence

Dave Andrew:
I don't think there's ever a situation where the other person deserves it. If someone can only resolve problems with violence then they themselves are real in trouble.
I don't think we choose violent ways to resolve any problems.
It is a reaction. A result of the burst of anger. Weakest part. Human nature. Whatever you call it. It is there, and will always be.
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Lidia K.

Lidia K. +

Temat: violence

thanks Ilter, I feel like at school with all this PC discussions:)Lidia K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 20.12.08 o godzinie 13:17
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
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Temat: violence

ilter K.:
Dave Andrew:
I don't think there's ever a situation where the other person deserves it. If someone can only resolve problems with violence then they themselves are real in trouble.
I don't think we choose violent ways to resolve any problems.
It is a reaction. A result of the burst of anger. Weakest part. Human nature. Whatever you call it. It is there, and will always be.

I agree, it is a sign of weakness. However, aren't we supposed to be able to control ourselves to some extent? I mean, if I didn't control myself there would be blood, carnage and illegitimate children everywhere...;))

and if someone can't control it and has to lash out, then I would suggest, as Sylwia and Dave, that this person is in dire need of help.
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
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Temat: violence

Lidia K.:
thanks Ilter, I feel like at school with all this PC discussions:)Lidia K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 20.12.08 o godzinie 13:17

That's groovy, but what's your opinion on the matter, Lidia?
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Lidia K.

Lidia K. +

Temat: violence

My opinion is that violence is wrong.

The reality is that it's everywhere.
You can see kids fighting when waiting at the bus stop, home violence that goes unreported.
The patterns are very deep in this society. I don't know about yours.

What sort of self-control or 'programs' are we talking about?
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Temat: violence

Dave Andrew:
I don't think there's ever a situation where the other person deserves it. If someone can only resolve problems with violence then they themselves are real in trouble.


Child abuse. I have no tolerance for child abuse, in my eyes anyone abusing kids deserves a beating.. but that's my opinion... again I am anti violence ... to a degree.

There is a case right now in the US regarding a woman who killed and dismembered her child... I'd sentence her to a boxing match with Mike Tyson... nice 12 rounds without the possibility of throwing a towel.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: violence

Lidia K.:
thanks Ilter, I feel like at school with all this PC discussions:)
I don't get it, do you think I was politically correct, or did I resemble a contrast with the others in this thread?
I didn't have time to read everything in this thread yet, and still some things to do at home...
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Temat: violence

Someone told me that if a +/- two-year old had the capacity of an adult, their parents would be dead meat as a result of a physical violence. I laughed a little because it seemed so true, and I think of that statement when I think of male on female domestic violence. The insight and acumen is childlike in every aspect. You should want to look for some kind a of brain worm but really that's just a poorly integrated adult personality that goes t' thumpin' on a girl. I do think of a different etiology concerning female "slapping," in general. There may be a legal double standard, but I could buy an argument about psychosocial differences.
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Temat: violence

It's almost worse when a woman hits a man.
"Take this you bastard. I'm going to hit you. And hit you again. And guess what? You can't do anything to stop me. Society says you cant hit me back. You believe you cant hit me back because if you did you'd stop believing in your own decency. So you're just going to have to take it. And another thing. You aren't even going to be able to tell anyone about it because people will either not believe you or think there's something wrong with you for letting it happen. So have another one."
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Temat: violence

Dave, I am glad you DID decide to tell someone...
You can count on our friendship and support, man!
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