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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

This is inspired by sth Warren wrote on a previous thread, that he can't see the connection between love and sex.

This made me think. I'm not sure I can, either.

I know what it is to love your children, protect them, bring them up the best you can. But thats a totally different kind of love.

I know what its like to fancy someone, to want to get stuck in. Thats not live, though, is it?

And I know what its like to care for a woman, to want to help her, support her, be with her. Is that love? Maybe... So, where does the sex come into it..?

Came to the conclusion I dont know what love is.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

I won't get into the definition of love, because it may also differ a bit from person to person.

But it is impossible for me to live with a woman to whom I'm not sexually attracted to.

Attraction though, can start without any reason with only one condition: person you're attracted is the 'other sex'. Or other sexual orientation, I must say.

Aren't we all sometimes attracted to the idea of attraction?
Do we chat with the other side online without thinking/knowing their gender?
Do we, men, treat every single message/e-mail equally without considering the other part's sex? Don't we, men, easier going with women, but behaving like eagles when the other side is male?

Honestly, sex/gender is very important, and we all are attracted to the idea of attraction.
Then the rest follows.
You start to build it, visual stimuli helps, and if you find the frequency is matching (more or less) you are attracted.
If the other side is having a little charm, you go deeper, and start liking even more.

So, me says, if I try to cut to the chase, sexual attraction (either outside reasons, or the one we create in our brains) is first. Then the brain can kick in, and maybe then you can love.ilter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 01.08.08 o godzinie 09:59
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Kari W.

Kari W. education

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

What about puppy love, infatuation, and the long lasting, hidden crush? Those can grow to epic proportions without sex and the latter might even be love.

Steve, you mentioned that you've loved women you haven't kissed in another thread, can you explain?
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Kari Wolk:
What about puppy love, infatuation, and the long lasting, hidden crush? Those can grow to epic proportions without sex and the latter might even be love.
True.
But I wasn't refering to the act of sex. It is about "the other sex".
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Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

ilter K.:
Kari Wolk:
What about puppy love, infatuation, and the long lasting, hidden crush? Those can grow to epic proportions without sex and the latter might even be love.
True.
But I wasn't refering to the act of sex. It is about "the other sex".

Are you talking about other sex.. or OTHER sex


Obrazek
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

But then again, that quote comes to my mind:

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
Woody Allen
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Wotz that image Rafał?
Closing of a balloon?
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Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

ilter K.:
Wotz that image Rafał?
Closing of a balloon?

ahem.. well.. this my friend is what some people call a balloon knot

now to explain it ... when you blow up a balloon... then tie the knot.. then if you look at that knot... what does it resemble?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=balloon...

pay attention to # 2 ;)
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Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Rafal W.:
pay attention to # 2 ;)
you said #2 !

:D

I feel soo sophisticated now!
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Haha, I was talking about the other sex that we prefer.
It can be a heterosexual male for women and homosexual men, and vice versailter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 01.08.08 o godzinie 18:47
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Kari Wolk:
What about puppy love, infatuation, and the long lasting, hidden crush? Those can grow to epic proportions without sex and the latter might even be love.

Steve, you mentioned that you've loved women you haven't kissed in another thread, can you explain?

Well, there's two things here:

1. I've loved women I haven't had any contact with. I would describe this as infatuation and unrequited love.

2. I've loved women who I haven't had sex with (dont ask me why) but who I've 'made out' with big time and been on dates with, spent time with etc. I think I probably loved them before the kiss. But am I confusing love with infatuation? Is the only difference between 1 and 2 is that by the time I'd got to stage 2 I was better at pulling simply?

I have been known to get utterly obsessed with women. Is this just not infatuation also?Steve Jones edytował(a) ten post dnia 01.08.08 o godzinie 20:37
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Oleg Holuczenko

Oleg Holuczenko :)

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

I think that love are already the relationships. This feeling should be built on a basis. I don't believe in love at first sight.
Sex in love - is beautiful, but love doesn't mean that you have to have sex. Sex is smth what happens between 2 people who are in love, who trust each other (sometimes people are (morally) stupid, and do it without any trust and relationships).
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Kari W.

Kari W. education

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Steve Jones:
Kari Wolk:
What about puppy love, infatuation, and the long lasting, hidden crush? Those can grow to epic proportions without sex and the latter might even be love.

Steve, you mentioned that you've loved women you haven't kissed in another thread, can you explain?

Well, there's two things here:

1. I've loved women I haven't had any contact with. I would describe this as infatuation and unrequited love.

2. I've loved women who I haven't had sex with (dont ask me why) but who I've 'made out' with big time and been on dates with, spent time with etc. I think I probably loved them before the kiss. But am I confusing love with infatuation?
Possibly, one's mind can be very stimulating, don't you think?
Is the only
difference between 1 and 2 is that by the time I'd got to stage 2 I was better at pulling simply?
I'm a little confused by this statement. 'pulling' means the 'hook'? - as in getting her interested?

I have been known to get utterly obsessed with women. Is this just not infatuation also?
I would say yes.

Steve Jones edytował(a) ten post
dnia 01.08.08 o godzinie 20:37
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

So, me says, if I try to cut to the chase, sexual attraction (either outside reasons, or the one we create in our brains) is first. Then the brain can kick in, and maybe then you can love.ilter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 01.08.08 o godzinie 09:59

Yeah, I'm with you on the attraction process... What I'm confused about is when that attraction might turn into something we call 'love' and what that ultimately means... and why sometimes that attraction might not turn into this 'love' ... and what that hell is 'love' anyway?

I'm a very very confused man...
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

I feel like I'm a very very tricked man, but anyway... :)

In order to be able to love somebody seriously* we need grounds. Is the attractive person 'free', or already in love with someone else? Is the person showing at least 'some signs' of interest on me?
Is it safe? Is it secret?

* reads: I am not talking about platonic love that we feel with some celebrities
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

ilter K.:
I feel like I'm a very very tricked man, but anyway... :)

In order to be able to love somebody seriously* we need grounds. Is the attractive person 'free', or already in love with someone else? Is the person showing at least 'some signs' of interest on me?
Is it safe? Is it secret?

* reads: I am not talking about platonic love that we feel with some celebrities

Yeah, with you.

What I'm trying to get at is why that attraction would move into "love". Ok, let's imagine that the criteria are covered: you're both 'free' and show signs of interest. Got that. Agreed, those are key ingredients. What then moves that into "love"?

I've had situations where those key ingredients were there but it didn't really move into anything I'd call love.
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Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

My world is simpler, but perhaps a bit shallow.

Attraction: a natural impulse, usually needs mutual reinforcement (body language, verbal hints) to evolve. Attraction is playful, it's a game in itself, a sparring of sorts. It if fails to develop further, it is soon forgotten.

Sex: the climax of mutual attraction. It's not T.S. Eliot's "cheery automatism", it's more like primordial fire. The stranger, the better - it's all based on mutual projection. Just as people are more honest with strangers met in a bar than with friends, they have better sex with those whom they know superficially. You two just "click", communicate desires instinctively, have no second approach left, no apologies to be uttered, no fears to harbour.

Love: the ultimate challenge. Love is a form of attraction towards the impossible - a woman far beyond my reach, or in a situation beyond my reach (married, older, has just refused me etc). Love can be a motivating factor, changes your life perception, but once fulfilled, it fades. It fades into the daily grind of life, it gets bogged down in the logistics of life.

Love, in a sentimental sense, can be felt towards one we've shared a part of our life with. Yet with time we are able to separate the experience from the person, and thus redeem our happiness.

I also like my father's definition of love: "we love someone when we genuinely enjoy paying for them, supporting them financially, when it doesn't really matter to us how much we have spent"
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Steve Jones:
[...] I've had situations where those key ingredients were there but it didn't really move into anything I'd call love.
I'm not an expert on this by any means, but maybe I can walk through with you on what I think...

(Assuming the other key ingrediets are there,) You have to like the way she/he treats you. We can't feel home/safe with somebody, or, have warm feelings to somebody if they don't treat us well.

It is like the 3rd ingredient: warmth. At least that's the case for me. I've never fallen in love with somebody who didn't give me a warm look, responding to my warmth with warmth.

That again takes me same place, that we fall in love with the idea of falling in love, if the ingredients are there. Because as you can read what I think, I'm not even touching the subject of "what she likes and dislikes, what is her childhood dreams".
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Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen

Is it clearer now, Steve? ;)

I often wondered what "love" is and never managed to give myself a clear, straightforward answer. I know what it means to "love" your child, or love your parents, but I am not sure if I'd be able to define "love" between two people, or tell you what it takes to "love" someone - does it mean you have to suffer, or be continuously happy, or draw hearts in your notebook? Does it mean agreeing to wake up beside the same person each day, even if they get all wrinkly? Or, paying for them and providing for them?

I truly believe best relationships are based on friendship and a lot of respect. So, is this "love"?
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Jon M.

Jon M. Technical/Offshore
English,
petrochemicals

Temat: Love, Sex and quite possibly Death

Love hurts. All too often.

But are men meant to be monogamous?

The Coolidge Effect
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