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Ewa A.

Ewa A. ______

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'Ewa A. edytował(a) ten post dnia 02.08.08 o godzinie 16:16
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Grzegorz K.

Grzegorz K. Niezależny Ekspert w
dziedzinie
elektroenergetyki

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Jasio wrócił na wieś z zarobkowego pobytu w Anglii.
Ojciec:
- Weź, rozrzuć gnój.
Jasiu:
- What?
Ojciec:
- Łot krowy i łot kunia.
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.

He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilies he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately get to work.

At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"

All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
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Tomasz Domagalski

Tomasz Domagalski Faktoring // Fintech
// Finea

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Sory pomyłka.Tomasz Domagalski edytował(a) ten post dnia 10.10.08 o godzinie 14:12
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Mariusz Sadurski

Mariusz Sadurski Marketing & PR

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Międzynarodowa wycieczka pod największym wodospadem na świecie:
- oooh God, it's wonderfuuuuul.....
- ooo main Gott, das ist wuuuuunderbar....
- gospodin, eto priekrasnoooojeee...
- o k***a, ja pier********e!
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

[edit]Piotr G. edytował(a) ten post dnia 21.01.09 o godzinie 23:30
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Andrzej J.

Andrzej J. Manager HR i tata z
zamiłowania

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A creative writing class was asked to write a concise essey containing these four elemenths:
religion
royalty
sex
mystery

The prize-winning essey read:

"Oh My God, said the queen, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
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Benny K.

Benny K. Iluzjonista "Nie
słowa lecz czyny
mówią prawdę"-własne

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

W dwusilnikowym samolocie popsuł się jeden z silników więc pilot mówi do pasażerów:

"We are too heavy...We'll have to drop some people to lose some weight"
"To make it fair, we'll go alphabeticly"
"Are there any African Americans on board?"
--cisza--
"Are there any Black people on board?"
--cisza--
"Are there any Coloured people on board?"
--cisza--

W ostatnim rzędzie samolotu w ciszy dwóch czarnoskórych... ojciec i syn, który pita:
"But, daddy aren't we African American, Black and Coloured?"
"Shut the fuck up, we're NIGGERS"
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Benny K.:
W dwusilnikowym samolocie popsuł się jeden z silników więc pilot mówi do pasażerów:

"We are too heavy...We'll have to drop some people to lose some weight"
"To make it fair, we'll go alphabeticly"
"Are there any African Americans on board?"
--cisza--
"Are there any Black people on board?"
--cisza--
"Are there any Coloured people on board?"
--cisza--

W ostatnim rzędzie samolotu w ciszy dwóch czarnoskórych... ojciec i syn, który pita:
"But, daddy aren't we African American, Black and Coloured?"
"Shut the fuck up, we're NIGGERS"

Słyszałem wersję "We're Zimbabwian niggers" :))
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Łukasz Syrnik

Łukasz Syrnik Master Data
Management w 3M EMEA
GMBH

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.
She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
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Marek B.

Marek B. Sales Manager,
softnetSPORT

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Last week I checked into my hotel in London and was a bit lonely. I thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!

I figured, what the heck, give her a call.

"Hello," the woman says.

God, she sounded sexy. Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in:"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that sound?"

"That sounds fantastic," she says, "but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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Ewa R.

Ewa R. OTC trader

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Airport
- Name?
- Ahmed Faradi.
- Sex?
- Three times a week.
- Male or female?
- It doesn't matter
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

znałem wersje
z odpowiedzia
- male , famale sometimes camel.
Ewa Rojek:
Airport
- Name?
- Ahmed Faradi.
- Sex?
- Three times a week.
- Male or female?
- It doesn't matter
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Michał M.

Michał M. Obracam się w
nieruchomościach.

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Rafał P.:
znałem wersje
z odpowiedzia
- male , famale sometimes camel.

A pełna wersja brzmi:

Arab na lotnisku pytany przez gościa na bramce:
- Name?
- Achmed Abdul... cośtam cośtam
- Sex?
- Twice a week
- No, no! Male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel
- Oh dear!
- No deer! Run too fast.

:-D
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Łukasz Syrnik

Łukasz Syrnik Master Data
Management w 3M EMEA
GMBH

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Michał Majewski:
Rafał P.:
znałem wersje
z odpowiedzia
- male , famale sometimes camel.

A pełna wersja brzmi:

Arab na lotnisku pytany przez gościa na bramce:
- Name?
- Achmed Abdul... cośtam cośtam
- Sex?
- Twice a week
- No, no! Male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel
- Oh dear!
- No deer! Run too fast.

:-D

Świetny dowcip.. probem polega tylko na fakcie, że żadne z Was nie czyta wątku.. ma 4 strony a ten dowcip pojawił się już kilkakrotnie.. w najdłuższej wersji:
CONSUL: Your name, please?
ARAB: Syed Jasim.
CONSUL: Sex?
ARAB: 6 times a week.
CONSUL: I mean, male or female?
ARAB: Both male and female, sometimes even camel.
CONSUL: Holly cow!
ARAB: Yes, cows and dogs too.
CONSUL: Man, isn't that hostile?
ARAB: Horse style, doggystyle, any style!
CONSUL: Oh, dear!
ARAB: Deer? No deer! Hole too high and runs too fast!
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Michał M.

Michał M. Obracam się w
nieruchomościach.

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Łukasz Syrnik:
Świetny dowcip.. probem polega tylko na fakcie, że żadne z Was nie czyta wątku.. ma 4 strony a ten dowcip pojawił się już kilkakrotnie..


Oj tam, oj tam ;-P Teraz przynajmniej znamy najdłuższą wersję i tej będziemy się trzymali ;-P

Coś ode mnie:

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
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Marek Mitrofaniuk

Marek Mitrofaniuk Wycena
nieruchomości.

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A woman is knitting while driving a car. A cop rides by and yells "Pull over!" The woman responds, "No, it's a cardigan!"
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

How do you do?
Do you how how?
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

George was 29 and still single. All of his friends were married, but George just dated and dated.
One day Bill asked him why he wasn't married. "Don't you want to settle down? Are you holding out for the perfect woman? Are you having trouble meeting someone compatible?"
"Actually," George replied, "I've found many women I would have been happy to marry. Things always start off fine, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother never approves of them."
Bill thinks for a moment. "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mom!"
A few months later Bill ran into George again. George looked a little depressed so Bill asked how things were going. "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother approve?"
George shrugged his shoulders. "Yes, I found the perfect girl. Yes she was just like my mom. Yes, you were right, not only did my mom approve, but they became good friends."
"What's the problem?" asked Bill.
"My father can't stand her."Przemysław S. edytował(a) ten post dnia 08.09.09 o godzinie 14:12
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
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