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Andrzej
C.
Trademark expert,
English teacher,
translator,
copywriter.
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????'Andrzej C. edytował(a) ten post dnia 07.02.13 o godzinie 16:41
Jacek Kacprzak Mam wyje*ane...
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished Englishman with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge."If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account."
"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and $2,000,000 bank account."
"If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll have sex with her again!!
Bartosz K. Oil & Gas
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
Roses are redViolets are glorious
Don't try to scare
Oscar Pistorious
Benny
K.
Iluzjonista "Nie
słowa lecz czyny
mówią prawdę"-własne
Benny
K.
Iluzjonista "Nie
słowa lecz czyny
mówią prawdę"-własne
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
Benny K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 20.03.13 o godzinie 19:12
Ewa
S.
The future starts
today, not
tomorrow.
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
<%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few drinks.<%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!"
<%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember.
Marek
B.
Sales Manager,
softnetSPORT
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the poshest restaurant in town.'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from
using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.
The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-fucking manager of this bastard place?'
'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a
private restaurant'.
'Fuck off' replies the bloke 'and where's the fucking piano?'
'Pardon?' says the manager.
'Fucking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of shit, show me your cunting piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I fucking can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my dick,' replies the bloke. The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing
the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. 'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'
'Wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks the manager.
'As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke.
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on.
She's wearing an almost see through dress, her tits are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra,and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is riding up the crack of her arse. She's sitting
there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin. It's too much for the bloke and he runs off to the bogs to bash the bishop. He's tugging away furiously when he hears the manager's voice.
'Where's that bastard pianist?'
He just has time to chuck his muck, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and
walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?'
The bloke replies 'Know it? I fucking wrote it.'
Radek
J.
Nauczyciel, trener
EFT
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Andrzej
Ziemba
Impossible is
nothing...
Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, didn’t you read the sign? It says ‘No mushrooms!’” The mushroom replies, “C’mon man, I’m a fungi!”
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
A man walks into a restaurant and sits down at a table. The waiter walks up to take the order and asks the man, “Would you like a soup or salad?” The man replies, “What’s a super salad?”What did the mamma tomato say to the baby tomato? “Catch up!!!
A man said to his friend, “Want to hear a joke about butter?” His friend said, “Sure.” The man said, “Nah, I’d butter not tell you. You might spread it.”
Knock knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Look through the keyhole and see.
In which US state can you find small Pepsis? Minnesota.
There are two fish in a tank, and one says to the other; “How do you drive this thing?”
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
As Alexander the Great led his troops into Persia, his soothsayers urged him to cease from conquest and reign content as king of all Greece. The divine Alexander, in his pride, was wont to brush these warnings aside, until one day, lightning struck from a clear sky and completely destroyed his royal bivouac. ”A portent!” cried the priests. ”Whaddya want,” said Alexander, “we get them at cost.”
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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku
Coffee afterplease - kawe poproszeMiss General - panie generale
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