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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .





(This is priceless...)


"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

"My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects."
;]
Anna Polit-Rakowska

Anna Polit-Rakowska Accounts Assistant

Paweł Perkowski

Paweł Perkowski Walka z systemem
przy pomocy tanich
win

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.

The bear turns to rabbit and says:
Bear: Excuse me, but do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?
Rabbit: No

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
Marek B.

Marek B. Sales Manager,
softnetSPORT

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

GHETTO SPELLIN' Words:

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader.

This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

4 . Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel ."

7. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.

8. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "How much?" she say "fortify."!

Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word....

Today's word is: " OMELETTE "

Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."
Marek K.

Marek K. Freelancer. Szukam
współpracowników,
chcących dorobić,
pr...

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku


Obrazek

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

John went to the back, asking for a loan of €250,000 because he wanted to start his own business.
“What’s your business plan?”, asked the bank manager.
“I want to start my own cheese business”, John replied, “i was thinking of calling it Mitchelstown Cheese”
“I’m afraid that’s already a well established cheese company, John, why don’t you come back to me when
you have a better plan”, the bank manager said.
The following week, John returned to the bank, looking for a loan of €750,000.
“What’s your plan now, you’re looking for more money?”, the bank manager asked
“Yes, i’ve come up with a better idea. I’m going to move to Wales and start Snowdonia Cheese, that’s why i need the extra money, to get myself set up over there”
“I’m afraid there’s already a Snowdonia Cheese, John, you need something new, something nobody else has come up with”, the bank manager replied.
“Okay” said John, and he went on his way.
The following week, John came back to the bank manager, this time looking for €1,000,000. “What is it this time?
It better be good if you’re looking for €1,000,000″ the bank manager asked. “Yes, i have it now”, says John. “I’m moving to Israel”
“Israel?” the bank manager asks. “Why Israel?”
“I’ve got the perfect company, but need to move there in order to build it up”, John replies
“Oh? What’s it called?”, the bank manager asks
“Cheeses of Nazareth”, smiles John

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

- Knock, Knock
- Who is there?
- Barbie
- Barbie who?
- Bar-B-Q
Elżbieta Krusińska

Elżbieta Krusińska szef, Prawo i
nieruchomości

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

przychodzi baba do lekarza i pyta:
- Am I pretty or am I ugly???
- You are pretty ugly - odpowiada lekarz
Paweł Perkowski

Paweł Perkowski Walka z systemem
przy pomocy tanich
win

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

What's the most famous irish drinking song?
Their national anthem

Where do the irish go for holidays?
To another pub
Jarek W.

Jarek W. Software Engineer

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

- Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
- Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

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Joanna P.

Joanna P. specjalista ds.
turystyki

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku


Obrazek
Joanna P.

Joanna P. specjalista ds.
turystyki

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku


Obrazek
Joanna P.

Joanna P. specjalista ds.
turystyki

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku


Obrazek
Marek B.

Marek B. Sales Manager,
softnetSPORT

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

What do you have when a midget fortune teller escapes from jail?

A small medium at large.

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To whom.

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.



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