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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
angielskiego

Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

Steve Jones:
Questions this week from the gifted and elegant pen of Tatiana Saturnus!

Sorry Tatiana for being late but I haven't been a good timekeeper recently...

1. Is there such a thing as good and bad luck? If so, what is it?

I'm really impressed by the professional poker player who was interviewed in the recent issue of Polityka. What he says is that you can only talk about 'luck' in terms of a single deal or two, but not in the long run. When you are a good player, you will be able to calculate the risk correctly and make the kind of decisions that will win you a steady profit over the years. It's all down to the statistics: if only the odds aren't against you, like in the case of gambling games, there's no reason why you shouldn't win entirely by means of your own efforts and stategies.

2. What are some things you shouldn't ask people you just met?

What's that appendage sticking to your head?


Obrazek


3. Do you wear the same color/style clothes now that you wore ten years ago? Why?

I used to wear a black and white striped trousers when I was a teenager and a nose ring the Keith Flint style. My Polish teacher would then ask me to remove it because she couldn't concentrate on her class. For those who have seen me IRL, I've obviously grown out of it.

4. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you had to "do as the Romans do"?

Yeah, last time I visited Rome. Couldn't speak the language, but I parroted everything else the Romans did.

5. Should women always get custody (keep the children) after a divorce? Why or why not?

Not. Fathers can be very good custodians and in many cases better ones than mothers. I also think that fathers often vanish from their kids' lives because they're culturally conditioned to react that way. Some don't even try to fight. I wonder what would happen if a mother voluntarily gave up the custody over her child at the divorce. Would he feel like she passed the buck to him? Sorry if that sounded harsh.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
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Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

Sylwia Łubkowska:
[...] I wonder what would happen if a mother voluntarily gave up the custody over her child at the divorce. Would he feel like she passed the buck to him? Sorry if that sounded harsh.
It is against the rules of nature, for a father to be the keeper.
But humankind has made a lot of improvements on that too.

Nature says, mother takes the care of kids. Nature says father goes on and hunts for another wife and another sets of kids.
But some people can not let it go that easily.
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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
angielskiego

Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

ilter K.:
Nature says, mother takes the care of kids. Nature says father goes on and hunts for another wife and another sets of kids.
But some people can not let it go that easily.

Nature, shmature. And what if I didn't feel in line with nature at that particular moment? What if I felt depressed and unable to provide for the child? Or if I just didn't feel fit to be a single mother? Would the poor kid go to an institution? And would the father be left with a clear conscience?
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
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Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

I think the things has a kind of balance somehow.
Obrazek
But shit happens very often than the happy end, I guess.

But I'd say (and hope) that if one of the parents is in bad state like you described, the other one seems to be more down to earth. Maybe the reason why the couple split was this instability?

The thing is, I guess the hugeness of being a parent gives you wings. (Oh, it wasn't supposed to end that way, dam commercials). It gives a weird type of strength, that even a tiny dude like me might turn into a Superman to take care of the kid.
Obrazek
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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
angielskiego

Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

If you ask all these women with post natal blues they will tell you it's a ball and chain, not wings. Of course, I'm describing a rather extreme case, and courts tend to treat mental health issues quite seriously. But what about mothers that are clearly less stable, responsible and mature than the fathers? Or they want to get a second chance on life without any burdens? I suppose it almost sounds perverse but does it never happen? I don't think a blind assumption that the mother is by definition the best caretaker always works for the kid's benefit.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
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Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

Sylwia, I don't think courts/judges are that blind. Kids doesn't always stay with the mother.
And I hear about the mother type you mentioned appears in TV programs like Uwaga, or in bad real life stories. Uneducated and poor ones mainly.

Have you witnessed such mothers? I haven't. But I've seen mothers suffering from being alone with all those heavy responsibilies. All of them somehow succeeded to stay on their feet without selling their bodies or dumping the kid(s).ilter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 15.03.09 o godzinie 16:32
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Sylwia Łubkowska

Sylwia Łubkowska Nauczyciel oraz
tłumacz j.
angielskiego

Temat: Fiiiiiiiiive for FRiiiiiiiday (06.03.2009)

Not just uneducated ones. Agnieszka Osiecka (a late Polish poet and lyricist) wasn't an uneducated woman and yet she opted out of her motherly responsibilities towards her daughter. And although she got the bollocking for it (from her daughter, no less - and rightly so), people in Poland remember her as an icon of Polish contemporary culture.

Anyway, I feel this discussion is striking a heavy feminist chord in me. Yes, when a woman gives up on cher child it's so outrageous it's even shown in Uwaga, whereas countless numbers of men enjoy 'spreading their seed all over the town' and complete freedom from responsibility over their offspring. Single mothers have to 'stay on their feet' despite all the suffering from loneliness and men are laughing.

I'll tell you what: it's not nature, it's culture. We're conditioned to assign superhuman powers to women only because they gave birth and think they're irreplaceable. And in lots of cases women themselves believe it too, so I guess this conditioning works. But in many cases men tend to have a lot clearer minds, are a lot more balanced and reasonable than women, and there's no reason why they shouldn't be able to do the job of upbringing. A better job, in fact.

Also, you studied biology, so you should know of certain species of birds where it's either the mother who routinely ditches her eggs for the father to tend to or it's a 'first come, first served' game. And somehow these species survive because the father who wasn't quick enough to leg it, grudgingly does his chore :)Sylwia Łubkowska edytował(a) ten post dnia 15.03.09 o godzinie 22:33
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